How To: Deal With A Breakup

How To: Deal With A Breakup



ANDREW HEIMANN

The most difficult part of a breakup is the feeling of loss of attachment to the other person. That deep heartbreaking sense of loss that feels like it can't ever be filled—like the very threads that nourish the heart have been severed causing it to wither—are unbearable for many. Most people want to do whatever they can to avoid, bury or escape from these overwhelming feelings. In my acupuncture practice, I help soothe the pain of breakups and restore a sense of self.

The time right after a relationship dissolves is full of emotional highs and lows. It can be a roller coaster of mixed emotions: relief and sadness, regret and anger, freedom and aloneness, love and hate, loss and gain etc. In clinic, the first thing I do is to help each person smooth out that roller coaster ride. Using acupuncture, herbs and nutripuncture, I help individuals minimize the swing of the pendulum from one state to another.

This is extremely important in the first stage because, as the highs and lows fluctuate, there is a huge emotional and physical toll on the body. When the extremes are mitigated, a person remains more rooted and productive and able to digest the breakup better.

As my client begin to stabilize, I help identify the affective links with his or her ex-partner, so that we can begin to restore identity and reclaim the parts that were enmeshed with the other. This part is really important for longterm growth. If you do not reclaim the parts of yourself that are missing, you carry that link with you onto the next relationship. If you want to drink pure water out of a wine glass, you must first rinse the glass thoroughly. Otherwise, any wine left in the glass will taint the fresh water.

This process is also essential because, when you can recognize what parts of yourself you energetically give to another (or lose to another), you can take responsibility and, with the right tools, keep those parts of yourself for you next time. This allows you to be you and the other to be the other. Over time, this helps with that feeling of never being complete without another person. You can begin to recognize that you are complete without another. This is freedom.

Breaking up is a painful experience. How we deal with it impacts our growth. Getting proper help and support during the process is a tremendous way to soothe the extremes of the physical and emotional roller coaster that unfolds.

After the extremes are stabilized, it is a unique time to begin to heal the parts of ourselves that were given to another. With insight into our deeper emotional and energetic patterns, our roots in our own self-development can begin to grow deeper and create more stability.