The Opposite Of Love

The Opposite Of Love



“It’s simple. But It’s not easy.” — Mastin Kipp

What is the sensation of waking up? Do you remember what “Oh yeah!” feels like?

How do you come to know and really believe in the big dreams you have for yourself, and take the risks you need to achieve them, in a world where the illusions of practicality offer instant gratification but no satisfaction? Where wild, forward-thinking, nomadic, bohemian ways are not taken as seriously?

How do you safely sing your soul song in a society consumed with consumerism?

For as long as I can remember, my motto has been: “Everything I’ve ever done, worth doing, scared the shit outta me.” But, in early 2013, I had a change of heart: have you ever hit rock bottom, while everyone around you thought you were on top?

I was in the process of letting go of some toxic patterns and people, but it felt more like giving up. Without the support I needed to continue forward on my current path, I had decided to leave my dream job, my ultimate home and a community of healers and teachers to whom I had become very attached on the Yucatan Peninsula in Mexico.

I couldn’t remember who I was.

I forgot where I was going and why.

It scared the shit outta me.

Everything I was reading at the time said that fear is the opposite of love, so I thought that if I could just force my mind and body into a more loving space, the fear would go away. I would return to my blissful, creative state of flow, where I am capable of performing magic tricks and living in high-rise apartments and seaside mansions, as I travel the world with my hunky soulmate, sharing our passion for health and fitness.

But the more I tried to feel love, the more pissed off I became. And the more terrified I felt.

For over a year, I took one heart-pounding step at a time.

I started a company.

I booked a photo shoot.

I created a web platform.

I called in my team.

I had unbelievable success and epic failure.

It felt like trying to swim through Jello.

I had to look at the parts of myself I didn’t want to see. I wanted to be right, not broken.

I wanted to feel strong and capable; instead I lost 20 pounds and didn’t recognize my thin, tired body in the mirror. Where were my muscles? Where was my shine? Wasn’t this supposed to be fun?

Every day, I asked the question, “Who am I to lead a global fitness movement?” And I was answered by other frightened people, who said, “It’s okay to give up, turn back, do the safe thing, get a real job, come back down to reality.” And then there was my own personal favorite: “It’s time to stop being so immature.”

I began to believe that financial security was more important than following my dream, the same dream I’d been dancing with for 15 years.

I almost gave in…almost.

Have you ever wondered, where is the line between trying to convince yourself that something is true and really believing that you can do something bigger? I can’t explain with my head why my heart wants to walk out onto the edge and jump, daring the universe to catch me.

I think it’s a desire for expansion, reaching beyond the known, the safe, the secure. I learn through experience. It’s like somewhere inside I know exactly who I am and why I’m here; I just forgot. This inner knowing can happen subtly or in a split second and, when it does, it’s called “Satori” or “a sudden awakening.”

Through a series of divine synchronistic events, I recently found myself in the audience of a three-day seminar in Hollywood all about love. On the very first day, the host came out on stage and asked: “Why are you so scared of the truth?”

Bombs went off inside me.

I felt ashamed. Because I’ve been trying to act fearless instead of accepting that I am full of fear. And, in the process, I’ve been making myself small and safe and unexciting. Because I am afraid that my being big will drive people away, make me a target, betray their loyalty and leave me all alone in life.

I want to survive. I want to be connected and to belong, so I fight the urge to be more. And the truth is, I’m scared shitless. And I love it. Because that is evolution. And that is why I’m here.

To be vulnerable.

To be real.

To be who I am, not who they think I should be.

Now that I can accept that I am on the fast track and that being terrified is part of the game I’ve chosen to play, I feel unstoppable.

Here are three quick way to feel your fear, so you can also let it go before it manifests as toxic energy:

1. Learn To Breathe Like A Dragon:

Knowing a variety of breathing techniques is key for transmuting the heavy energy of fear before it starts to weigh you down mentally and physically. Kundalinni Yoga is an awesome way to practice breathing fire. I find the powerful, short breaths much more effective for moving through stagnant energy than traditional yoga’s longer Ujjayi breathing. Plus, they say Kundalinni is a road to enlightenment, sixteen times faster than any other yoga practice.

2. Think Before You Think:

Thoughts become things.” — Mike Dooley

Be careful who you let rent space in your head. Sometimes thoughts need to be kicked like a bad habit. Do not let anything occupy space in your head that does not uplift you or provoke deep thought and right action. Let go of the past and stop that future tripping. Learn to hold space for yourself in the present moment and you will find that peace and harmony are available at your fingertips.

3. Let The Music By Your Guide:

Dancing is a great way to remove negative, soul-sucking emotional energy from your body. If a song “moves” you, as in gives you goose bumps and inspires your body into motion, save it to a “favorites” playlist. And, every time you begin to slide down that negativity rabbit hole, bust out your favorite tunes and move to a different beat.